Sleep deprived

Which is weirder - that I turned this blog into kind of a diary or that I am in my uni's reading room about to watch tv series (have two spare hours) and am drinking milk? It feels weird just writing this all in a public place, usually I do it at home or whatever. I wish I could communicate telepathically, I'd like a cup of coffee, but don't want to move from this place. Only slept for like 3-4 hours tonight. I don't know how that happens. Seems that I am always tired after uni and then working until late.. but still can't fall asleep. And then have to get up early in the morning. Insomnia, anxiety.. these are not things to mess around with. It's probably obvious how sleep deprived I am, I don't even make sense. This whole entry is not even coherent or whatever. Jeez, I'm hungry. Gotta drink my milk.

Sentimental shit pt.2

'Sometimes you have to get burned to see the truth.'


You know that feeling of being too much while at the same time not being enough? Well, I do. I carry that feeling around at all times, every single day I'm torn between not being good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. and being too damn clingy, too fucking crazy, too obsessed, too much drama, too much sadness, too much faking. When in reality... I'm not happy, I'm not even fine. I smile because you want me to. You don't really care if I'm happy or not, you don't really care why I'm not smiling, it is so much easier just to fake everything. 'Oh, nothing really, you know, didn't sleep well' with a silly smile following. I got so good at it. Faking. Too much faking. Not good enough to show you the real me.
Don't feel committed to talk to me now, I don't need that. I'm too tired of talking. Yes, tired. Of everything. Of my own bullshit. I wish I was just able to click and be somewhat normal. But I guess it always was a part of me, and can't get it off now. Seven years trying and no actual success.
I see the truth.
So just let me be as I am.
Just let go.
I'm gonna let go.

Sentimental shit

Oh hi hello, I still have a blog, woah.

I don't know what's going on, but I've just been feeling extremely out for like past.. few weeks already, I guess. I honestly have no idea what is going on, maybe my past self is coming back, and that would be just too messed up, hopefully I will control myself and remain somewhat normal.
I think I kinda started writing a diary on paper. I still have this blog, the Lithuanian one which I now rarely ever use and well Tumblr for expressing shit in pics. But I feel the paper one is the best. Paper is always the best. That's why all the e-books will never take me over, I have to feel the paper between my fingers, hear that crunchy sound as I turn the page, and the smell.. some really do not smell good, but I love how unique it is. And well, back to the paper diary.. it's just like writing letters. I always loved paper letters. Shame not many people write them anymore.

And I get to draw in it. And write over the stuff I have already written. And handwriting everything is just.. great.



Turn a random page and write in it.

You're The One That I Want

 Went shopping recently. Bought this military shirt, tights and boots with little spikes (still into them).
By clicking on the pic below you'll go to my Lookbook page.

Have some other new clothes as well, gonna post them some day. Maybe even soon.

Arizona

A friend asked me to do a review on Arizona iced tea, so here it is.

 The Original green tea with honey - it was pretty good, although too sweet for my taste as I only add just a little bit or no honey/sugar at all to my tea. Love the packaging though, this one attracts more attention than the others, that's why I tried this tea first.

 Pomegranate green tea - better than the original, although also sweet or even sweeter. But that sweetness is much better and tastier. This one is either my favorite or second favorite. Really tasty.

 Peach/lemon flavour - just like another brand Nestea - peach is better. Weirdly both of them have somewhat weird chemical feel to it, although it says on the packaging there's no artificial stuff and only natural flavour. Lemon is not as good as peach, I'd not buy it again. Though I'd only buy peach one if there were no other tastes as well.

Blueberry white tea - competes with the pomegranate one, either favorite or second fav. Which is really odd, cause I don't like pears and this one not only has blueberry, but also pear juice in it. Can't really remember the level of sweetness though, which is good, cause that means it's not too sweet.

Hope you found it interesting and helpful in deciding which one you'd like to try first or not try at all. Let me know which one is your fav and why if you already did.
Have a nice evening or whatever.

I've Got 5 Now

I've got a couple ideas/news for my blog post, and I'll start with the newest one.

As some know already from my facebook/instagram/tumblr/twitter - I've got a new tattoo. It's my 5th, and certainly not the last one.
Tried to draw a face from a pic, but I failed, so asked my course mate to do it, and she's really talented, so her drawing is perfect. D. Valuckaitės Portretai

And this is how it looks on my thigh. Pretty fucking awesome. Got it done at Ink Factory. Will give a close-up, when it's all healed up, cause now it doesn't look its very best just yet.

Nighty night.

I'm Alive

Long time no see. I kinda forgot that I have a blog, but a couple days ago we were talking about blogs in a lecture, and when the teacher asked if any of us have a blog, I realised that I do. So here I am, back on it again. I guess.

Shit's been going crazy since my last post. I'm back at my classes, have a job, but still procrastinating wayyy too much.
Am single and have a teeny tiny crush on one of the Erasmus students, how awesome is that. Am too afraid to do anything about it.
I'm not attending some classes I'm supposed to, but going to one, which I'm not even signed up for. Yeeaah, I still have a teeny tiny crush on the prof. But let's keep it a secret. A good thing almost no one reads my blog.
Although weirdly I have gained more followers when I stopped posting than when I actually did post stuff.

Had a photo shoot with a friend not so long ago, so will probably post some of the pics soon.


Oh, and did you hear about that Lithuanian girl Gabriele Z who is also 20years old and was killed in Germany?
Well, not me, so stop asking.
I may sound insensitive or whatever, it is sad that such things happen, but this is getting annoying. I even get messages from random people asking if it's not me. Well, d'oh.