Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Sentimental shit pt.2

'Sometimes you have to get burned to see the truth.'

You know that feeling of being too much while at the same time not being enough? Well, I do. I carry that feeling around at all times, every single day I'm torn between not being good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. and being too damn clingy, too fucking crazy, too obsessed, too much drama, too much sadness, too much faking. When in reality... I'm not happy, I'm not even fine. I smile because you want me to. You don't really care if I'm happy or not, you don't really care why I'm not smiling, it is so much easier just to fake everything. 'Oh, nothing really, you know, didn't sleep well' with a silly smile following. I got so good at it. Faking. Too much faking. Not good enough to show you the real me.
Don't feel committed to talk to me now, I don't need that. I'm too tired of talking. Yes, tired. Of everything. Of my own bullshit. I wish I was just able to click and be somewhat normal. But I guess it always was a part of me, and can't get it off now. Seven years trying and no actual success.
I see the truth.
So just let me be as I am.
Just let go.
I'm gonna let go.

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