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i'm better now

I really am.

I still get breakdowns, I still get angry, I still cry... but not as much. And when I do, he actually helps me, he actually makes me feel better. He never says that I look hideous, that I'm stupid for crying and shouting, he just holds me. Always holds me as much as I need. Until I don't cry anymore, until I start to smile.
He handles me. He knows what to do. He knew that from the beginning.

It's going to be three years soon.
Sometimes I still cannot believe that I've finally found MY person.

real deal

it used to be easier to pretend
just fake a smile
i'm fine
and once is enough

it's constant now
oh i'm so happy so hilarious i've got so many things to say to you add a smiley another one another one another one another one
think of what to say to look happy
cannot care about myself or how i really feel
have to care about you and what you want
have to keep you happy


oh well at least i don't have to lie that i'm fine anymore


cause you don't really care though do you

funny
others don't always seem to get
that
you know yourself better
than they do

what have you been through
or your mind
what runs in it

your heart
and the blood that
should be warm

but runs cold

i'm so sorry for feeling bad
and for wanting you to be there for me

to care

i'm so sorry i give you everything
and ask for a little bit
in return

i didn't mean to be so needy
but i just need you.

fuck everything

slit my wrists
i don't care


i'm gone
without you




oh god
i feel so sick
my eyes are burning
my head
exploding
throw up
to clean myself from the inside


blank

nothing to offer

Thought I was doing good last week, but went back to bad. Just a few remarks from certain people and everything seems worthless again. Why do I even try, I know I will never succeed in being somewhat normal.

I have nothing to offer.